Did you plan to have such a big age gap?

This must be the question of the year. Although it is a much easier question to hear and answer than "so are you planning to have another child?".

I have two children (it still seems funny to say that) but for a long time I didn't know whether I would or even could. I am a subfertile mother. To make matters more frustrating I have also been diagnosed as having unexplained secondary subfertility. This is a somewhat weird and overlooked category in the world of infertility and its treatment. I can fall pregnant - eventually. I just can't count on it happening the way a normal fertile woman can and yet I know that it is possible. When you fall into this category dealing with medical professionals can be aggravating as some will tell you to just give it time or you could even hear things like "parents with one child often don't have as much sex " which is what one GP told me when I asked for advice about my inability to conceive.

An old poem

I used to want to write a novel but then I discovered that I can't really write all that well. Plus, I just don't have the determination to see it through. I found an old poem on my 'puter tonight - so I will self-publish:


TAXI METER

My love is measured
By the ticking meter
Of the taxi cab
Which he has summoned
to take me home.

Colgate flavoured kisses
As his toes freeze
On the cold concrete
Below
Signal the end
Of souls bared, secrets shared, beds shared
While the scent
Of hastily sprayed perfume
Marks another
Chapter of deception.

I want to stay
But obligation
Wrenches me away
As the taxi cab
Delivers me back to reality
But not to Life.

I like the first stanza but the rest is pretty crappy. I wrote it while I was first going out with my now hubby. I used to go to see him in his grotty little flat but would leave to go home late at night in a cab because I was working as a nanny and had to be there when the kids got up in the morning.

So the first stanza is about me but the rest is made up and hence not all that great.

I think I should stick to finding books for people rather than writing them!!

Footloose and Pox Free

We have managed to escape the pox after a close call over Xmas. 21 days after exposure and no signs of spots. Time to get around to getting Loll's jabs done.

I think that the family dynamics have changed too after the pox episode. People have been called to account over their actions - something that has never happened in the past. Of course, now that we did not catch the pox after all (in spite of the irresponsible actions of the other party who brought their infectious child to Xmas lunch even though Frostie Boy was only 8 wks old) it may be that we will be portrayed as hysterical and overreactive. You can never tell with families.

One thing that I have learned from the whole schmozzle is to stand up for myself and trust my own instincts. I didn't say anything at the time and we took Loll and Frostie Boy to Xmas lunch against my better instincts. Of course, I still think that it should not have been left up to us to decide whether or not to attend - particularly as we had driven 300kms to be there. I just didn't want to be the whingey daughter-in-law yet again. But from now on I will play that role if need be as I don't want to spend another whole month in limbo waiting for signs of an outbreak.

The main players

So in this troupe of players are three males, one female and two cats. Take notes as you may need to remember them in the future:

Males
dh and our two sons - Loll and Sabby

Female
me - Andy

Cats
crazy Kaboobie and feral George (hence the name)

A year can change everything

Frostie Boy is asleep.

It is one year since we signed up to defrost him and give him a go. Sometimes it freaks me out to think that he was frozen. But then the whole IVF process is freaky and yet fascinating at the same time.

I've been reflecting on this past year today. I catch myself wondering why did it work? Why that one egg out of the ten they retrieved? Why that one embryo out of the three viable ones? Why did the FET work when the fresh cycle didn't?

I also feel guilty. Guilty that we called our future son a "dud embryo" when he was frozen in Oct 2003 - shouldn't we have been more positive? Guilty that I managed to achieve success when others that I know still haven't.

But glad to not be back in that dark place of a year ago.